


don't know what it means to win

by JeckissaLynn



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Prompt Fill, Second impressions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 09:46:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18588733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeckissaLynn/pseuds/JeckissaLynn
Summary: Steve Rogers had clearly decided to write off Tony Stark, and Tony was pretty prepared to return the favor. But a visit to Peggy Carter forces both of them to re-assess.A fill for the prompt: "Tony Stark decided to give talking Steve Rogers out of going to SHEILD just one more try." on Rough Trade.





	don't know what it means to win

**Author's Note:**

> Response for the Rough Trade One Sentence Challenge, check out other responses (to this prompt and others!) [here!](http://www.roughtrade.org/the-workshop/topic/prompt-1-tony-stark-steve-rogers/)
> 
> Thank you to my lovely partner, Lottie, for reading through it and giving me feedback! All mistakes are mine and pointing them out will earn you nothing but a solid double bird. 
> 
> Disclaimer: All of the characters, alien invasions and government agencies mentioned in this work belong to a lot of people who are not me!

Tony bit back a curse as he rounded the doorframe of Peggy Carter’s retirement home suite and saw Steve Rogers sitting at her dining table. For half a moment he contemplated leaving, but he had precious few opportunities to spend time with her these days and from what Sharon had told him, her Alzheimer’s was beginning to noticeably progress. He couldn’t know how many chances he would have left to visit her and have her know him. He would not give one of them up just because Captain Tightpants had beat him here today.

Resolving to ignore Rogers as much as possible, Tony rapped his knuckles on the door. He watched as Peggy’s eyes lit up when she noticed him standing at her door and felt the familiar warmth of her obvious affection suffuse him. He grinned at her despite the accompanying pang of sadness that struck every time he saw her in this place.

Old age had caught up to Peggy seemingly all at once just a couple of years prior. She had gone from the fierce director of S.H.I.E.L.D. to a frail woman with ever increasing lapses in memory in the span of a few months and Tony still couldn’t quite believe it. He had tried time and again to convince her to allow him to pay for private nurses so she could remain at home, but stubbornness went bone deep in Peggy Carter. He had eventually given in, settling for making quiet donations to the retirement home she had chosen to ensure they had everything they needed to provide her with the best care possible.

That sadness sharpened acutely when Peggy braced her arms as if to stand before grimacing slightly and settling for waving him in enthusiastically. "Tony, you rascal! It's been an age since I saw you! Come in! Give this old woman a hug." Tony hustled over to the armchair where Peggy was ensconced, leaned over to carefully wrap his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Hi, Aunt Peggy. You’re looking gorgeous today as always." He skillfully dodged her playful slap at that, chuckling as she huffed. "Sorry that it's been a few weeks, I’ve had a bit of an eventful time of it recently. Organizing clean up and all that; I’m not sure how much you saw on the news.” Tony couldn’t stop himself from sending a hard look at Rogers. He and the Spy Twins had booked it back to S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters immediately after Thor had left for Asgard with Loki and the Tesseract, doing nothing to aid in either the PR or cleanup efforts. Tony had tried to speak to Rogers about the aftermath of the attack several times before their departure but had been brushed off every time.

“Yes, of course, aliens falling from the sky and right over that new tower of yours. I suppose that makes for a decent enough excuse.” Humor sparkled in her eyes as she teased him. “They tried to keep us from watching it but it was all that was on every channel. Plus, the man in 511 and I staged a coup over the remotes. I'm glad to see that you're mostly in one piece.” She motioned for him to sit in the other chair, next to Rogers. As he did so, Tony spared a glance at the other man and raised his eyebrows slightly at the sullen look he found on the super soldier’s face. Peggy noticed his curiosity and continued, “Steve has been trying to skirt around some of the more gruesome details for weeks now, to spare my sensibilities I’m sure. I don’t think he’s quite wrapped his head around the fact that I’ve been in the shit of it while he was lost to us.” She smiled at Rogers as she said it, grief apparent in the tightness around her eyes.

“Pegs, it’s not—I know you can handle—” Rogers seemed to fight for the right words to say. He glared at Tony, presumably wishing that he had his privacy with Peggy back, before closing his eyes and letting out a breath. “I’m sorry Peggy. I wasn’t trying to protect you. I know you can handle anything, you certainly proved that time and time again.” His tone softened and he looked almost embarrassed as he went on. “But I only just found you again, and I wanted to focus on happier things.”

Tony found that he couldn’t fault Rogers for that, and neither, it seemed, could Peggy judging by how her smile widened and she reached across the table to grasp Rogers’ hand before speaking.

“Still so sweet, Steve. I’ve missed you too. I'm so sorry it took so long to find you, my old friend. I’m so thankful you’ve taken so much time these last couple of weeks to visit me. But sadly, the world does not often allow for focusing only on the brighter aspects.” With a last squeeze to Rogers’ hand, she turned her gaze back to Tony, eyes narrowing.

“Now, Tony, I won’t bother asking what you were thinking. You didn’t have another option; you did what you had to do to protect the city. I’m damn proud of you as a matter of fact. But I do need to know if you’ve let a doctor look you over? Are you okay? You had a nuclear missile on your back and then traveled twice through an exotic matter horizon; I don't even want to think about what that could do to a person. Tell me that ingenious suit of yours protected you?"

Tony hurried to reassure her, "It did, I promise. Bruce—Dr. Banner, the big green guy's more scientist-shaped half, checked me over himself. The guy knows radiation, as you might expect. I'm clean as a whistle, no radiation damage. At least they didn't cheap out on the bomb they sent to destroy the entirety of New York City, it was well shielded.” Tony wasn’t sure how much Peggy might have surmised as to the bomb’s source, but he’d bet she had a few good guesses.

“Isn’t all of the city a bit of an overstatement, Stark?” Rogers cut in. Tony could only assume by the derision in his voice that the other man thought he was trying to falsely inflate his good deed which said nothing good about how much information about the present S.H.I.E.L.D. had given him.

“Um, no. No, it isn’t. Did S.H.I.E.L.D. not tell you what a nuclear weapon does, Spangles? I thought they told you about how the war ended?”

 “They told me we bombed a couple of cities in Japan. I’m not an idiot Stark, that takes more than one bomb. The one they sent would have likely only taken out that hideous tower of yours,” Rogers snapped back, offended.

"Gentlemen! That is enough arguing, thank you very much." Tony knew that his own expression must match the chagrin on Rogers’ face. He took a moment to calm his temper. He might have his issues with Rogers, but he wasn't going to air them in front of the woman who had spent the better part of a century desperately hoping to find the man. Peggy continued more softly, "Steve, I think you should add nuclear weapons to that list we talked about you starting. Do your own research, I think you'll find that Tony wasn't exaggerating at all. Now, why don't we move on? Tony, is Dr. Banner still with you? Or has he run off into hiding again?"

“He’s still with me, we’re staying at the house in Westchester until the tower is livable again. He says he’s going to stay as long as he can. He’s a part of why I’m in D.C. actually, along with coming to see you. I need to get the army off his back so I spent some time twisting arms on the Hill.”

“Very good. Hopefully, with your resources he can finally stop running. It’s awful what Thaddeus Ross is trying to do to him. Watch out for S.H.I.E.L.D. too, Tony. They’ll not be able to help themselves, and they won’t have his best interests at heart. You and I both know it.” Tony simply nodded, glad that he wasn’t alone in his fears for Bruce.

“Peggy, why would he have to worry about S.H.I.E.L.D.? You started S.H.I.E.L.D.! What would they want with Dr. Banner that wouldn’t be for the best?” Rogers looked taken aback and unsure for the first time Tony could recall.

Peggy smiled tightly. “Yes Steve, I did. And I spent countless hours and energy in the decades that I ran it trying to keep S.H.I.E.L.D. offices and teams from hunting down enhanced individuals. I started S.H.I.E.L.D. with good intentions, we all did, but it is the nature of the beast I am afraid. Between government pressure to coerce those with powers into service or scientific curiosity and fear, S.H.I.E.L.D. was only ever an inch away from chasing down people like Dr. Banner. And I’m not there now. Fury isn’t an evil man, but he is one that would easily trade the happiness of one man for what he perceived as the good of the many.”

Tony watched Rogers digest that and noted that the look on his face was at once furious and contemplative. He was tempted to push the issue and see if this was the moment he could convince Rogers that working with S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t a good move but he took one look at Peggy and he knew he couldn’t. In an effort to not have either of their visits with Peggy take a negative turn, for her sake if no one else’s, Tony steered the conversation elsewhere. He asked after Peggy’s kids and their families and from there they all stuck to lighter topics. Almost an hour passed that way, and despite Tony’s feelings about Rogers in general, he found it to be a pleasant experience. He’d usually rolled his eyes at the stories his dad would tell about the ‘good old days’ but it was different watching Rogers and Peggy talk about their time together, laughing at shared jokes and old arguments. Seeing Rogers again was clearly good for Peggy, and he could only imagine it was good for Rogers too.

Eventually, Peggy started to tire and when one of her regular nurses came in on her afternoon rounds, both men took it as a sign to let her rest for the day. Tony gave her another careful hug and made his goodbyes.

“Keep them on their toes here, okay Aunt Peg? Give ‘em hell.” Peggy laughed loudly and sent Tony a wink as the nurse made a small sound of protest. Before he could pull away and make his exit, Peggy pulled him down slightly and took both sides of his head into her hands.

“Goodbye, my dear boy. Be good and keep learning. The world needs people like you.”  Tony was horrified to feel tears pricking his eyes at her words. He hadn’t heard them from her since he was leaving for MIT at 14 but before then it was almost their ritual goodbye. Pushing aside his instant worry that it was the Alzheimer’s bringing up old memories, Tony let himself bask in the way her words had always made him feel: special and good like he was worth something. It was a feeling he had gotten from almost no one in his life besides her, Jarvis and eventually Rhodey. He gave in to his impulse to hug her once again before standing up. Not having any more words at the moment, he simply nodded to Rogers and left the room.

Impulsively, he stopped just a few feet down from her door. Far enough to not be able to hear her and Rogers’ goodbyes, but close enough that he couldn’t miss the other man’s departure. Rogers left the room a moment later and Tony couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy as he walked a few feet from the doorway and seemed to sag, like a puppet with his strings cut. All at once, Tony knew he couldn’t let Steve go back to S.H.I.E.L.D. without trying once more to talk him out of it.

Walking towards him, Tony spoke quietly. "It's not easy is it, seeing her like that? She was always so full of energy and grit. I can't imagine what it must be like for you, to have seen that version of her just a few weeks ago. I'm glad Fury is letting you come to see her."

“I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to come this often. Missions start soon.” Steve seemed sadly resigned to that but he continued on more hesitantly, “I didn’t realize you two were close.”

"Yeah well, I doubt me visiting an elderly woman who is like family to me would have made the cut for whatever tape they showed you. Not exactly scintillating stuff." Tony watched as Rogers' face began to close off and defensiveness set in. Not wanting to lose this chance at getting through, Tony made the concerted effort to drop his usual attitude towards people who had written him off. "Look, Steve, I'm not trying to be an ass here, it just happens sometimes. Can we talk? Grab a cup of coffee maybe? I think I saw a Starbucks across the street."

Suspicion and curiosity warred on Steve’s face for a moment before the man glanced back towards Peggy’s door and seemed to come to a decision, nodding to himself slightly. When he turned back towards Tony, his face was open, relaxed as Tony had only ever seen it today with Peggy.

"Yeah, okay Stark. Peggy wouldn't want us to be at odds. You obviously care about her. You're right, that doesn't fit with what S.H.I.E.L.D. told me about you. But I trust her judgment over theirs, any day of the week. So, sure, let’s go get coffee. And while we do, maybe you can explain to me why everyone likes that burnt crap Starbucks sells so much that there’s 5 of them on every block?” Genuine confusion furrowed Rogers’ brow at the last.

Laughing a bit despite himself, Tony motioned for Rogers to follow him towards the exit of the retirement home. “Your mistake is drinking their actual coffee, Cap. Come on, I’ll introduce you to the modern wonder that is the mocha latte.”

It was a quick walk across the street and down the block to the nearest Starbucks and Tony was pleased that they were able to pass it in not entirely tense silence. They walked in, and he was relieved that this particular location had ample empty seating at this hour. Leaving Steve to claim one of the more secluded tables, Tony quickly placed their orders and waited for their lattes, a process that was slowed slightly by having to take selfies with the barista. Tony just hoped the kid respected his request to wait until after they’d left to post them on social media. Once their drinks were ready, he grabbed the two sugary concoctions and made his way to the table where the other man was waiting.

He set Steve’s drink down and managed to stay silent long enough to watch the man take his first sip. There was an instant puckering of his features as he realized the drink was sweet and not bitter, but it very quickly settled into satisfied at the taste. "This is much better. I wouldn't call it coffee by a mile, but it's good. Thank you, Stark." Rogers smiled slightly and took another sip.

"You're welcome. Don't let it fool you, there are two shots of espresso in there. Though I guess caffeine doesn't really do much for you these days.” Tony settled down in the chair across from Rogers, glancing around quickly to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard.

“Not so much, but it’s the spirit of the thing, you know? Coffee was an almost nonexistent luxury growing up, but we got our hands on it often enough during the war. It was something me and the other Howlies enjoyed together, a moment of peace. This drink would have horrified most of them. Bucky would’ve loved it though, he always had a sweet tooth.” As if realizing how much he was revealing, Steve seemed to hunch in on himself, looking at Tony from under furrowed brows.

Not sure if Steve just didn’t want to open up to him in particular or if the subject was a sore one, Tony took a shot in the dark. “I met most of them you know? The Howling Commandos. At one point or another, they all were at events my dad put on. They all seemed like good guys. They gave Aunt Peg a few of those grey hairs with their antics that's for sure. And they all missed you. My dad too. I'm sure they'd all be really happy that you were found." He had no idea if that had been the right track to take, Steve had gotten tenser as he had gone on.  

“Every time I mention one of them, Fury or Natasha tells me I shouldn’t focus on the past, that I have to move on.”

"Well, that's bullshit. Can I safely assume that you weren't aware of time passing while you were in the deep freeze?" At Steve's nod, he continued. "Then, effectively, they were all alive and well and a major part of your life just over a month ago, Steve. You can't process what has happened to you without processing the loss of them. I can't claim that I've had the best luck with therapists, but they must have you talking to someone, right? What do they have to say about you dealing with your past?”

Steve shook his head. “Therapist? No, no one has mentioned any therapies. Just a lot of talk about how I’ll feel better once I get into the field.” Tony couldn’t get his head around what Fury was thinking, but if he was neglecting Steve’s mental health this obviously he didn’t think whatever it was could be good.

“And what, exactly, will you be doing in the field?”

“I don’t know. Whatever Fury decides, I guess.” It couldn’t be Tony’s imagination that Steve didn’t look happy about that.

“That can’t sit well with you, Cap. In every story that I ever heard from those guys, you always carefully chose which targets your team would go after and planned the missions in depth. Being pointed at targets you know nothing about like a loaded gun has to seem wrong.”

Steve’s mouth thinned with frustration. “Yeah, it does. I’m not allowed to see any intelligence reports, and even if I was, I’m starting to realize that I have no way to actually analyze them. But I don’t know what else to do.” At that moment, Steve looked hopelessly lost, a feeling Tony had unfortunately grown intimately familiar with in Afghanistan and again as he searched for a solution to his palladium poisoning. Figuring if he was going to try to help Steve that he might as well go in, Tony found himself offering more than he’d planned on.

“Come back to New York with me. The mansion has about 30 rooms, you can take over as many of them as you want. I can keep S.H.I.E.L.D. from bothering you and Bruce. You can take some time to catch your breath; go through that list Aunt Peg was talking about—maybe with a few additions that she wouldn't think of. You can get to know New York again, though that part might have to wait a few months till the worst of the cleanup and rebuilds are done. I can help you find a therapist who might actually be able to help you through this. Just, don’t let them turn you into a mindless weapon, Steve. My dad would have wanted more than that for you, and I sure as hell know Aunt Peggy does.” His chips down on the table, Tony forced himself to sit back and sip his latte as he waited for Rogers’ decision; he didn’t want to push or rush the man.

"I want to keep visiting her." Steve sounded a bit desperate as if Peggy was his only lifeline. Which, given how S.H.I.E.L.D. had apparently been treating him, Tony figured she very well might be.

“You can take my plane anytime, Steve. You might have to share it with Pepper, my CEO, sometimes. She’s in DC a lot these days. But you should easily be able to come down here once or twice a week. I’ll make sure Happy comes with you to keep S.H.I.E.L.D. off your back.” Well used to reporter’s accusations of the wastefulness of his private jet, he almost unthinkingly added, “And before you get on my case about the extravagance, it runs off of one of these” he tapped the arc reactor in his chest “totally green, no carbon emissions.”

“Why would carbon emissions matter?” The genuine puzzlement was back.

"Aw jeez, yeah that list is going to need some fleshing out. But you'll catch up. So, what do you say?" Tony was surprised to find himself holding his breath; he hadn't thought he cared this much what Steve did.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll come with you, Stark."

Tony exhaled. “Great!” Feeling strongly that he should get Steve out of D.C. as soon as possible, Tony pushed back his chair, grabbed his mostly empty cup and clapped a hand to Steve’s shoulder. “Well then, let’s get going. And Steve? If you’re going to live in my house, maybe try calling me Tony.”

“Sure, Tony.” Steve grinned, knocking Tony off guard. “But just until I can think of a good nickname. It might take me a bit to get to the level of Spangles, but I’m a quick study.” A light Tony had never seen before sparkled in Steve’s eyes and Tony suddenly remembered how many of his father’s stories involved this man being a little shit. He found himself thinking that he had no idea what he’d gotten himself into, but that he was oddly excited to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the Fleetwood Mac song "Never Going Back Again" 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


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